American author (1842-1914)
A cheap and easy cynicism rails at everything. The master of the art accomplishes the formidable task of discrimination.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
If every hypocrite in the United States were to break his leg to-day the country could be successfully invaded to-morrow by the warlike hypocrites of Canada.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
The question of human immortality is the most momentous that the mind is capable of conceiving. If it is a fact that the dead live all other facts are in comparison trivial and without interest. The prospect of obtaining certain knowledge with regard to this stupendous matter is not encouraging. In all countries but those in barbarism the powers of the profoundest and most penetrating intelligences have been ceaselessly addressed to the task of glimpsing a life beyond this life; yet today no one can truly say that he knows. It is as much a matter of faith as ever it was.
AMBROSE BIERCE
A Cynic Looks at Life
FIB, n. A lie that has not cut its teeth.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Snow pursued by the wind is not wholly unlike a retreating army. In the open field it ranges itself in ranks and battalions; where it can get a foothold it makes a stand; where it can take cover it does so. You may see whole platoons of snow cowering behind a bit of broken wall.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"The Night-Doings at Deadman's"
The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Slang is the speech of him who robs the literary garbage carts on their way to the dumps.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought, speech, and action derived by the conformants from study of themselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
If you would be accounted great by your contemporaries, be not too much greater than they.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
FRIENDSHIP, n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather, but only one in foul.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
When you have made a catalogue of your friend's faults it is only fair to supply him with a duplicate, so that he may know yours.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Adam probably regarded Eve as the woman of his choice, and exacted a certain gratitude for the distinction of his preference.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Truth is more deceptive than falsehood, for it is more frequently presented by those from whom we do not expect it, and so has against it a numerical presumption.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
SAINT, n. A dead sinner, revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"
DANCE, v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music, preferably with arms about your neighbor's wife or daughter.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
LABOR, n. One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
Imagination, n. A warehouse of facts, with poet and liar in joint ownership.
AMBROSE BIERCE
The Devil's Dictionary
A popular author is one who writes what the people think. Genius invites them to think something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE
"Epigrams of a Cynic"